I had gone through a phase at the beginning of the year about a year ago and I would thankfully say the quality of friends I had, played an invaluable role sailing through.
Growing up also reminds me that female friends were perceived to be toxic and all of that
and it’s not unusual to hear females say they are more comfortable having a male best friend to a female.
These are my thoughts on friendships.
1)Have A Personal Life.
Friendship is sharing life together.
If there’s no personal life, what then do you want to share with others?
The strength and quality of our personal lives is what we’d bring into the space we share with others so it’s important to invest in it.
Having a personal life helps to understand your own self- your thought patterns, your triggers, your passion without a secondary projection.
Self awareness does so much and helps in deciding and choosing who resonates with your being & who you allow into your close space and ultimately call FRIENDS.
You actually do not also want to always be in someone’s space and ultimately be called – an intruder.
“That’s if you’re not so close” you’re thinking?
No, every human needs a personal space.
2) A Mutual likeness, Parallel Values, Respect & Vulnerability Is Of Importance.
I think any sustainable friendship absolutely would need all of the above.
Liking someone shouldn’t be just for opposite genders- reminds me of David & Jonathan.
Philia- Is that kind of love friends share but it’s unfortunate we more often than not speak of likeness or love in the context of romantic relationships.
Philia could be spontaneous without a reason yet- “I just like her, wouldn’t know why”.
And again, could be for obvious reasons- “I like the guy, he’s very smart”.
Having opposing values could set you for unnecessary friction that could have been avoided.
Can you imagine being friends with someone who doesn’t value integrity like you do and lies without restraint?
How would you want to trust them?
You’d definitely have to psyche yourself to believing they are speaking the truth.
Respect is one thing I have found to help during conflict.
The parties in a friendship dynamics without respect wouldn’t mind hurting and would damn the consequences during conflict- wouldn’t mind the friendship going into extinction.
Would you want to read about conflict resolution, here is it- WHAT ABOUT CONFLICT RESOLUTION?
Can you scan through your friend list?
Do you actually hold them in high regard in that sense?
The chit chats, secrets, & ‘gossips’ are the sticky glues that makes for bonding.
I think a friend you cannot be vulnerable to and cannot be vulnerable with you might just as well stay as a colleague, an acquaintance or…….
Okay, so what is stopping you from being vulnerable? Would like to know in the comments if you wouldn’t mind.
3) Do Not Force Friendships
I rather think it’s a form of self disrespect whenever we do this.
Whether for the opposite sex or even for same sex.
We can intuitively tell when someone’s spirit, energy or vibe is repelling or not in synergy and we don’t need to make excuses or push to ‘make things flow’-It appears like a form of self sabotage .
Yes, one is shooting his or her emotions & instinct on the leg.
Should you become enemies? No
You can maintain a cordial relationship without the ‘friendship’ tag.
If or sometimes, the dynamics change and a connection sparks later- great!
Is this to invalidate investing time, resources into the friendship we share?
No, one can get into that when the right relationship has been established.
A reminder: Self respect is somewhat attractive.
4) Invest Into Your Friendships.
The quality of our friendships should grow as we age.
Have conversations that matter asides the chitchats, or the chitchats can include those.
I appreciate friends who will usually send me social media posts so we could weigh in and have conversations about about whatever it was.
I’ve also started gifting my friends who appreciate reading self development books in their sphere of interest.
Share your time.
Call, visit, send a message, send voice notes.
Pray for and together with them.
Celebrate them on their days.
Be involved in whatever project whichever way you can.
Invest and groom your friends.
5)Compartmentalize Your Friendships.
As our faces are different, so our needs.
The way a friend would want you to be present might be quite different from the other-summarily, understand the love languages of your friends.
If there’s something I’d appreciate about myself is keeping the conflict I’m having with one of my friends private. I’m often tempted to go tell another to ease off but I’m usually often reminded we would settle in no time and it might be difficult changing the impression I’d have created.
So what do I do?
I write out my thoughts in my diary or tell my sister if I absolutely need to rant.
Trust me, she’s very unbiased and would usually find a way of calming me down while still weighing in frankly.
I was hoping to encourage with a different verse of the scriptures but was just reminded about this
ECCLESIASTES 9:10 AMPC
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol (the place of the dead), where you are going.
Friendship has your hand, much more your heart in it.
Do it with all your might!
Will share with us a follow up to this soon.
Did you enjoy reading this?
Please share with your friends and whosoever you think needs to see. Thank you.
This is a great peice
Friendship is an aspect of one’s life that has a huge effect on your fulfillment in life, hence you need to pay kin attention to making the right choice via the help of God.
Yes, friendship has a great influence on one’s life & at that, one should make the right choice.
Well articulated doc
I enjoyed this write-up. It’s so true and real.
Aww, warms my heart.
Thank you! Thank you!
A very interesting read! You shared salient points here. As regards the question of vulnerability, I think it takes quite a level of trust to be completely vulnerable with someone, and that doesn’t come easy.
And trust is built over time.
And yeah, the degree of vulnerability will be differrent.
Thank you for this engagement.
Thank you for sharing this.
Tgank you for sharing with some others in anticipation.
One needs to make right choice of friend
Thank you for engaging.
Please, kindly share with some others.Thank you.